Dealing With Your Fears With Your Child Moving Out

Healthy Relationships are part of a healthy lifestyle. As a resident Assistant at the University of Nevada, Reno, I have been dealt with many issues between parent and child after they move away from college. If you are concerned your relationship will change, you have a right ot be, because it will. The hope however, is that it will change for the better! This article has some great information about common fears, and how to make sure they don't come true.

Your Fears

First, lets talk about some fears of parents. There are many different fears parents have, each are unique to each relationship a parent has with their child. However, they can generally be categorized down to some common fears.

Common Fears :

  • My Child and I won't be as close as we used to be
  • My Child might not be sucessful on their own
  • My Child's need for me will diminish
  • My Child might make bad decisions on their own

 

Your Child's Fears

Many of us "adult" Children have similar fears. They fear losing touch, failing on their own, and losing their vital resource they have depended upon for almost two decades! As a young adult who moved out from her own home not too long ago, I can easily relate to these fears. This is an important time for both parties to lean on each other for support, as young birds leave the nest for the first time.

Simple Resolutions

Fortunately, there are many solutions to help diminish theses fears or at least help them to stay in the mind and not become a reality. Here are some suggestions to help this process.

Fear: We Won't Be as Close as We Used to Be or My Necessity Will Diminish…

Respect

Be sure to respect your child's new adult status. The helicoptor syndrome is a very common behavior we see in the Residence Halls and in other parts of the community. Give them the proper spaces they need, and respect their new found teratory. A good example would be knocking before entering their new residence.

Now that you have suceeded in not pushing your child away, here is your chance to keep them close. If you still live close, suggest weekly lunches, or family dinners where you meet up and enjoy a good meal. Stop by to drop off some supplies you think they might appreciate or need every month or few months. If they live far away, send them care packages, and set up a time to talk and get updates every few days or weekly, to keep in touch.

Become a Resource

A great way to keep your necessity is to keep being a resource for things they need. For many of you, this may mean money or supplies, but there is more to it than that. Parents serve as great counselors for room mate conflicts, decision making, and general de stressers and they are realizing things about their new environment.

Fear: My Child Might Make Bad Decisions or Fail On Their Own…

Following the tips above is a great start to reducing the chances of this occurrence. Communicate openly with your child, and be a resource for them. You don't have to be a constant cash flow, but you can suggest ways for them to make extra money, or ways to make their living costs go down, ect..

As for bad decisions, they are going to make some. The fact is, everyone makes mistakes or a bad decision at some point in their life. The important thing is that we learn from them. Once again this goes back to the communication with your child before and after and incident may occur. Gently warn them from your own or other experiences, or help them to realize what they can learn from their situation. If you see them struggling, don't be afraid to reach out and help.

 

 

Time To Let Them Go

When it is finally time to let them go, it will likely be a sad and happy moment for everyone. Help them pack and move out if you can, and if they would like…maybe help them settle into their new place. Just be sure to respect it as their own space. There are usually a few important memories that children miss from home, whether it be family meals, movie nights, game nights, or what ever be the case. This can be a great opportunity to invite them over for dinner or some family time, and make your own nest feel not as empty.